Archive for the ‘Stuff’ Category

but apparently there could (could!!) be an Easter egg shortage in the shops. Fucking hell …….. noooooooooooooo!!!!! Quick! Run! Get to the shops! Before it’s too late! How will we ever survive without Easter eggs?

The cynical amongst us could conclude that …………

the supermarkets are not selling as many eggs as they thought and have over-subscribed on the old egg front so need you to think there’s a panic.

Course, you could do what I do, melt down a load of chocolate buttons and put them in a mold and make your own.

Easter bunny with attitude

Easter bunny with attitude

Or, do like I did last year, just eat the buttons and miss out the whole egg thing entirely! Nom nom!

It’s how I like to celebrate my pagan festival. So go bite the head off a bunny (chocolate of course) or if you want to acknowledge the religious thing, grill yourself a hot cross bun or three.

Happy Easter! I’m off to watch Life of Brian. Here’s a great clip. Enjoy!

SF out


Right, I’m just putting this out there. I am obsessed with the weather at the moment. Mainly because it is so crap. The last few weeks in particular, have been really awful, I’m sure you agree. I don’t want to be cold any more, I don’t want it to snow any more. I want the sun to shine, the flowers to grow, the blossom to appear and to stop wearing woolly tights!

The most annoying thing about the weather for me is not the weather but the weather reports. Before you know where you are, the BBC/Sky (other news channels are available) start dedicating most of their news to it and broadcasting live from various snowy, windy, cold, wet, miserable locations around the UK. This is usually standing next to a motorway or some windswept hillock. Cut to studio and there’s the weather man/woman telling us how it’s all rubbish and is going to remain that way for the foreseable future. One can only assume this because a) they no longer know how to FORECAST the weather or b) global warming/climate change or somehow the Cleggeron boys are to blame.

Cut back to studio for dumbed down analogy and pointless 3d graphical representation of weather.  Why don’t they just stop talking about the weather as if it’s news! It isn’t news, it’s weather.

Michael Fish - Weather Man

Michael Fish – Weather Man

Ever since the great cock-up storm of 1987 when the great Michael Fish told us there was nothing to worry about (there was of course THE worse storm we’d ever seen on its way) the BBC in particular are petrified of NOT reporting weather to us every hour on the hour wth live broadcasts from places you’ve never heard of.

Oh well … roll on Summer. Who knows? Maybe we’ll have a hosepipe ban and a surge in gardeners secretly watering their brown grass in the dead of night for them to report live on :).

Best Summer ever – 1976 – just sayin’ ;).

SF out

I leave you with a song about Michael Fish. Pogo if you remember it!

A guy at work got married recently and mentioned that at his wedding reception they hired a load of spacehoppers for kids to mess around on. I’m guessing the reception was somewhere quite roomy, possibly even outdoors.

His tale immediately bounced (see what I did there) me back to happy memories of my spacehopper period – a bit like Picasso during his blue period I shouldn’t wonder.

I bloody loved my spacehopper and went everywhere I could on it. I truly believed that the future was in spacehoppers. You know that way you are as a kid? When you believe with your heart and soul that what you are doing at that moment in time is something you’ll do forever and ever and ever. You’ll never get bored with it, never never never.  Well that was me and my spacehopper. We were inseparable. I even used to take it to bed with me  (not in the bed of course, that would be weird, no?)

I told my mum and dad that my aim was to hop all the way to Romford from where we lived (about 3 miles). My dad, unsurprisingly, said maybe I should set my sights a little lower and practice hopping about the garden a bit first. Pfftttt, what did he know? Quite a lot it turns out ;).

I started off with a pretty low ability level and very weak thigh muscles. My co-ordination was a bit lacking at first and I tended to veer off in all directions. After some pretty hairy moments out on the streets of Elm Park – highlights include bouncing off the pavement into the path of an oncoming bus, hopping into a wall and hopping into a rose bush (ouch) – I decided daily training was required.

My training regime involved me trying to do absolutely everything on my spacehopper. Pop to the shops for mum to get her veg? No problem. Pop upstairs and get dad’s slippers? Errr … a challenge but do-able. Hop to the end of the garden to get mint for the potatoes? Easy. Roller-skating on my spacehopper? Check.

I felt I was ready for my big trip. I had thighs like Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp (aka the bird with the killer thighs in James Bond) and could bounce non-stop for at least 30 minutes.

Feck off – it’s my spacehopper!

So did I make it to Romford on my spacehopper? Did I bollocks! Are you insane? Who could hop 3 miles on one of those things? Oh and FYI –  bus drivers do not like kids on spacehoppers – FACT.

No idea what happened to it but I do sort of have one – albeit a bit smaller than the original. Trouble is I don’t think I’d fit on it and not sure Lex is going to give it up any time soon.

SF out

I was surprised at the level of sadness I felt this week when I heard that Neil Armstrong had died.  By all accounts he was a quiet, modest man. In case you didn’t know (and shame on you if you didn’t) he was the first man to walk on the moon, among other things.

Moonbase Alpha

Moonbase Alpha – weren’t we all supposed to live there?

I remember (barely) watching the moon landing on TV and what followed was a plethora of  TV shows that had me absolutely convinced that I would live on Moonbase Alpha. I imagined I would have frequent holidays to Mars, Venus and Uranus (fnarr fnarr).

I believed I would live in tight fitting space suits and eat small cubes that tasted of steak and chips. It’s true I tell you, Raymond Baxter said it would be so on Tomorrow’s World! We should stop funding wars and invest money in space travel instead.

Well, RIP Neil.  I’ll be in my ready room. watching re-runs of Space 1999, The Tomorrow People and The Clangers.


The toilet dilemma

Posted: 31/05/2012 in Stuff
Tags: , , , ,
Toilet Lid Instructions

Toilet Lid Instructions

Now I’m not obsessed with toilets or anything (she says, realising the last post was about toilets too) but I like the toilet seat and lid down. Himself likes to leave them up. Opinion is divided in the Scuba household.

I understand that a man has different seat positioning depending on the type of visit (poo/wee) but it is my utter and incontrovertible belief that they wouldn’t put a lid on it if they didn’t want you to put and keep it down!

‘Nuff said! I thank you!